To Pamela: An Apology
Posted on Friday 08/25/2017 07:36:57
I have a number of things in this life I regret, and I propose to resolve three of them in this post.
1. I would like to apologise to Pamela for my laughing response when she said that she stood like this when in public:
...a pose which I had likened to that which would be adopted by a prostitute.
2. When, in January, I’d received her Secret Santa Christmas present – a tee shirt from Flagstaff – I’d explained that I’d never worn a tee shirt in my life, as someone of my scrawny build would invite ridicule in doing so. I would now like to rectify that.
3. I want to publicly admit that it is considerably more difficult than I had thought to stand like a prostitute (or as I had naively believed a prostitute would stand). There is evidently more to it than merely standing with one’s legs apart and placing one hand on one’s genitals.
I hope she accepts my humble apology when she sees this photograph.
lunamor Says:
OMG This just made my day. MY WHOLE DAY. Maybe my whole week. I love you so much, Simon!!!
kittenheel Says:
Ditto! That is awesome!
CaptainMando Says:
Is it just me or is it also wild to see Simon in jeans? In my mind, Simon is always wearing slacks and a sweater.
lunamor Says:
I dunno, but the cleanliness of that fireplace/hearth makes me feel like the world's biggest slob.
Simon Says:
As a matter of fact I’ve not worn anything but jeans since I left school*. I cannot imagine wearing these garments men call ‘slacks’. It’s tee-shirts I avoid, for reasons that will be obvious. Sweaters are a different matter. I wear at least one almost all the year round.
* By which I mean ‘nothing covering the region from my hips to my ankles’ for those purists among you.
blackbird Says:
I love you so much, Simon! Of course I accept your apology. I'm so glad you've learned your lesson.
Now I think I'll go enjoy some Bigfoot BBQ.
Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
Simon, can you pull off the Angelina Jolie 2012 Oscars Stance?
/homepage
Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
And this is how I imagine Simon:
Man, can you imagine ANY American wearing a tie while hunting? /homepage
Bulldog Says:
I found the crotch grab a little disturbing, I must say......
lunamor Says:
It was nothing short of entertaining! Simon really loves us.
Simon Says:
That’s just because you feel insecure about your own sexuality, BD. You should learn to embrace it!
And Steve, the first is, regrettably, impossible. I promised her that I would never wear her dresses again, after that unfortunate incident involving Brad Pitt, and which led to their divorce.
The second is closer. The flat cap at least – very much the badge of the working man in the north of England. The suit is more... well, suited to Lerm, I would say. The shotgun too, probably. I do not move in such circles.
Bulldog Says:
Simon, that is a comment I would have expected from Steve but not you.
Simon Says:
HAHAHA
Steve, I think BD is questioning your moral probity. Mine too, obviously, but that goes without saying.
lunamor Says:
I had to look up "probity." This being KCL, I'm not surprised I hadn't read it here before.
Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
BD, Simon is 100% correct. Masturbatory and homoerotic imagery isn't going to rub off on you, no matter what the Baptist Church might tell you.
lunamor Says:
Yeah, just look at me: I like a little gay porn here and there and I have yet to grow a penis.
Simon Says:
Jess, probity is one of those words that begs to be used – at least on a site like KCL. Anything involving probes or probing does.
(Apologies to all, by the way, for the way my post keeps rising up. I keep spotting embarrassing mistakes and correcting them; the way KCL works means that an edited post automatically behaves like a new one.)
Bulldog Says:
I just realized that I am reading Simon's comments in my head with an English accent.
Simon Says:
As you should, BD, as you should!
Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
It would only be weird if you read mine with an English accent.
Simon Says:
Oddly enough, I read everyone’s comments as if they were made in an English accent. I never thought about it until now.
One of my cyber-daughters was recently trying to explain to me what a New York Jewish accent was. It finally clicked when I said ‘Like Miracle Max in The Princess Bride?’ – which was apparently the correct answer. Normally all these different accents are a hopeless blur to me.
H3OsMama Says:
I just wandered in here, Simon, and..you made my day! I adore you!
Simon Says:
Of course you do. Everyone does. Except Steve, of course. It’s on an entirely different level with Steve. But we don’t like to talk about our relationship. It’s difficult for a woman to understand. It’s... special.
kittenheel Says:
I wore yoga pants today and went around feeling like I forgot to get out of pajamas. If anyone cares, here's my ass:
I love my new office, but the lighting for selfies sucks. /homepage
lunamor Says:
*wolf whistle @ Mary*
Simon Says:
I hope my comments box isn’t going to become a travesty. It’s something that happens all too often on KCL, I can’t help but notice.
lunamor Says:
Says the dude leaving improbably proportioned women in MINE. LOLOL.
God, I love you, Simon.
Nightbreed Says:
This photo made my day, you Beautiful Man!
But I can't help but see that free hand (the one that isn't covering your genitals) either stroking your right nipple or holding a snifter of grape juice (in lieu of port). I can't decide which I'd prefer. (#^.^#)
Simon Says:
I believe I was caressing my right nipple at the time. I hope no one is going to judge me for that. Or maybe they should? I feel I’m long overdue to be granted honorary citizenship of Whore Island, if I may appeal to the queen and the prime minister of that noble institution.
Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
Hey Mary. How YOU doin'?
silverwraith Says:
I'm oddly aroused. Keep up the good work.
lunamor Says:
I think "oddly aroused" is the theme of KCL lately!
Simon Says:
I am only doing my duty. I felt that people on KCL had started to become too serious of late, and that a little levity was needed. If I have also caused any female KCL members to become inflamed with lust, I must apologise.
lunamor Says:
It's a noble duty.
*I can't help but giggle when I think of hearing that out loud. Like, did a king just take a shit?*
Simon Says:
*gasps at Jess’s ignorance*
That would be a royal duty. A noble is an aristocrat who is granted a title by a monarch, or the descendents of that aristocrat who have inherited the title, not a member of the royalty himself.
lunamor Says:
Whatevs. They're all a bunch of inbreeders who don't deserve such linguistic precision.
Um, so I've heard.
Simon Says:
I could not have expressed their lack of genetic diversity so eloquently myself.
fakebrunette Says:
I got slightly transfixed by the freesias and wondered how in late summer
Simon Says:
Lesley, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but they are artificial. No living flower would survive for long in my house. Congratulations on identifying them as freesias though.
The flower vase is a gift to my mother from my sister, while the Grecian vase on the left is from my brother, which he bought while visiting Pompeii, and is a replica of one of those found in the remains of the city.
fakebrunette Says:
Gasp
blackbird Says:
Now I want to see the rest of your house, Simon.
snow Says:
Late to this party, but haven't laughed in over a week and this did it for me. Thank you!
antic Says:
"Masturbatory and homoerotic imagery isn't going to rub off on you" - gold!
Simon Says:
Pamela, the reason I took the photo here is because it’s the only presentable place in the house. Domestic cleaning is a job for the servant class, as I’m sure Lerm would tell you.
blackbird Says:
No wonder my house is always a mess.
lunamor Says:
I really kinda want to frame that pic of Simon and put it up somewhere in my house. Is that weird?
lermontov Says:
Looking good, Simon!