As many of you will be aware, I like to casually browse through Facebook’s suggested posts in order to keep up with the latest trends in women’s fashion. I was doing so yesterday when I suddenly came upon this one, which made me aware that women in the sex industry are now adverting their services on social media. Or at least – in the case or this woman anyway – offer to stroke the smooth, soft skin of the upper part of her inner thigh in a suggestive manner, while giving her client a smouldering look. Or maybe she is indicating that she will stroke the upper part of her client’s (or possibly clients’) inner thigh (or thighs, as the case may be)? Or one of her own thighs, and one of her client’s? It is impossible to tell from the advertisement, and I have not yet summoned up the courage to make an enquiry as to the exact details. It may lead to an embarrassing misunderstanding.

Before you all ask, she charges £119.99 (about $150). I don’t know. I just paid £230 for a PlayStation 4, along with a vibrating DualShock 4 controller and a game that I’m currently using to kill zombies*. Nor do I wish to risk offending Emily Ratajkowski when she’s in her present mood. I shall have to think about this one.

It can be terribly hard for a man at times like this.

* Though not, I should like to ensure you, in the sense defined under Kill A Zombie in the KCL Glossary of Terms.